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sign language

TAURUS (APRIL 20-MAY 20)

Don’t underestimate how little logic comes into this. The arguments you’re up against are so out there that you may be tempted to laugh at them, certain they’re jokes, because no one could be that ridiculous. Right? Of course, if you do crack up, the situation will only worsen; if there’s one thing an irrational person dislikes more than their viewpoint being disregarded, it’s being mocked. So, what do you do when faced with a situation where logic has no traction, and your sarcastic comments are completely missed? You have to be wily and trick them into seeing things your way, if you can. That should be possible, given your advantageous position and perspective. Remember: no snickering!

GEMINI (MAY 21-JUNE 20)

Keep chipping away at it. Though the process you’re involved in is slow, like digging through a prison wall with a spoon, it will ultimately result in success, as long as you’re incredibly patient. I know patience isn’t your strong suit, but it should help you to know that you are getting somewhere, even if your progress at times is almost imperceptible. What might also encourage you is this: there’s someone on the other side of the wall doing exactly the same thing. See, it’s not so bad! You don’t have to get all the way through by yourself. Someone’s meeting you in the middle, and will be just as elated as you when you both break through.

CANCER (JUNE 21-JULY 22)

A good friend of mine is trying to time her pregnancy to produce a Cancer child. I tried to warn her that you guys are moody, unpredictable, and sensitive. I told her that feeling trumped logic for you almost every time. “Yes,” she agreed happily. Evidently she likes all those things about you. Luckily for you, she’s not the only one. You have lots of fans (even if it sometimes doesn’t feel like it), and this week many of them will be coming out of the woodwork to express their appreciation of you. Make yourself easy to find.

LEO (JULY 23-AUG. 22)

When someone gets pissed off at you this week, for no good reason that you can see, you’ll be tempted to hold it against them. I agree, it’s no fun being the victim of a stupid misunderstanding, wrongful assumptions, or a plainly faulty thought process, but I hope you can be the bigger person here, and not nurse a grudge or plans of vengeance. They’ll figure out their mistake sooner or later, and having to contend with you being annoyed or retaliatory on top of their own embarrassment will just needlessly complicate the situation and make it that much harder to resolve.

VIRGO (AUG. 23-SEPT. 22)

Man, you’re stubborn. Capricorns and Leos might dig in their heels in more obvious ways, but in the end they’re easier to move than you are. Personally, I love your tenacity and willingness to stick to your guns. That said, however, there are times when it’s really in your best interest to give ground. This is one of them. Can you see past your own decision to its long-term consequences? Remember there’s more than one person involved here, and even though you may be “in the right” the bigger picture might include elements that make you truly miserable, if “being right” remains your only consideration.

LIBRA (SEPT. 23-OCT. 22)

This situation has been out of whack for ages, and you haven’t been able to bring to it the balance you crave. The reason why is because the people involved don’t understand the pieces you’re putting on the other side of the scale, or why they’re important to you. They’re never going to give those things weight or credence until you convince them of their worth. Right now, some of the stuff you’re allowing to influence your decision seems illogical or unimportant from their perspective. This week, enlighten them (again, if necessary). They’re more likely to listen than ever before.

SCORPIO (OCT. 23-NOV. 21)

When under attack, you have a few choices on how to respond. You could run and hide, or turn over and surrender. You might toughen yourself up so you could simply take the punches with little to no effect. Full on retaliation — eliminating the threat entirely — is always an option. You could also simply refine your reflexes until you’re able to dodge nearly every blow. Naturally, continuing to simply suffer as you have been is a possibility, too, though I hope you’re ready to explore other options. The first two choices I suggested — flight or submission — are not at all your style, so I’d suggest any combination of the next three. This week, figure out and implement whatever you suspect will work for you.

SAGITTARIUS (NOV. 22-DEC. 21)

Most of the Sagittarians I know are able to feel at home anywhere they go. They can curl up on someone’s sofa with the same peaceful serenity other signs can only experience in their own beds in their own homes. I have no idea how you carry this feeling of sanctuary with you when you go places, nor how you muster so much grace while doing without habitual comforts. Won’t you share at least one or two of your trade secrets? There’s someone you know and love who could really benefit from them right now.

CAPRICORN (DEC. 22-JAN. 19)

People may give you shit for being so contrary so often, but it’s your unique perspective that makes you special. You see the beauty in a grim rainy day, how it makes the greenery outside look so lush. While everyone else is bemoaning the “crappy weather” and longing for sunshine, you’re simply happy. While you’ve learned to not always present the opposing viewpoint — because people get annoyed — in this case you ought to anyway. It might raise some hackles, but it could also bring a perspective that’s just a little more joyful (or at least serene) into some unhappy person’s life.

AQUARIUS (JAN. 20-FEB. 18)

You’re a tree on a trip. Someone bound up your roots in a dirt-filled burlap sack, threw you in a truck, and shipped you somewhere. Now you’ve finally been stuck in the ground and at last your poor cramped roots have a chance to unfurl, take hold, and feed you enough to allow you to grow. Your journey must have been uncomfortable at best, and miserable at worst, but please don’t waste time resenting those who put you through all that. Instead, take a breath, and a look at your new situation, which is rife with new opportunities, some you may never have even imagined before. Like it or not, they did you a favor. The sooner you can realize that and move on, the better.

PISCES (FEB. 19-MARCH 20)

You may feel that recent events represent the last nail in your metaphorical coffin. Sure, if you keep on as you have been, it won’t be long before you’re effectively (and still metaphorically) dead and buried, but there’s still an amazingly good chance to turn this around. It’s just a matter of shifting your perspective and rethinking not only your destination, but your route. After all, a well-built coffin could probably make a decent boat, or shelter from the rain, or toboggan, with only a few adjustments. What minor alterations can you make to this seemingly untenable situation that will turn it on its head? This week is a good one to try to implement any that you can think of.

ARIES (MARCH 21-APRIL 19)

While it might not always be your number one purpose to create more joy and beauty in people’s lives, please make it so this week. Why you? First off, you’re especially good at it, when you’ve a mind to be. Second, it’ll be a blast. Third, what else have you got going on? If you can really make an argument that whatever you’re up to is so important that you can’t spare a little of your time and energy — or preferably, most of it — to enlivening and enriching the live of a few others, then so be it. But if you can’t come up with an amazingly good reason for not doing so, I fully expect you to make this your top priority, pronto.

John Cena

April 23 1977

Jean-Paul Gaultier

April 24 1952

Renee Zellweger

April 25 1969

Michael Damian

April 26 1962

Sheena Easton

April 27 1959

Jessica Alba (pictured)

April 28 1981

Master P

April 29 1970

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